Because it’s not ALL about the wedding, what comes next is much more important. Read our guide to a happy marriage
Things will change
You love it when he cracks his knuckles, right? It’s just so him! It’s adorable the way he drops his clothes on the floor! And that snoring thing? Utterly divine. And you know it’s reciprocated: he loves that you have 48 cushions on the bed with your eye on the 49th! You’re made for each other, it’s love, and these things will never change. Except, they will.And that is entirely inevitable and absolutely as it should be. He will one day look at you perplexed and a little crestfallen when you show no enthusiasm whatsoever for his knuckle-cracks. In fact, you will go on to share with him the thought that you’re quite likely to leave the house if he dares do it even one more time. Similarly, you will be unable to hide the hurt in your voice when you ask him what’s wrong with all the cushions? Didn’t he say he liked them? Managing change in yourself and then your partner’s expectations of who and what you are will be a constant in your marriage. There is such an opportunity here if this fact is embraced rather than feared. Although this is a huge potential flashpoint between you, it also opens the door to exciting new shared ventures. Plus, the ability to keep surprising one another is one of the cornerstones of a thriving marriage.
Building on the above idea, every successful marriage is based on an awful lot of separation – and this is a good thing. The exquisite pain of believing you will literally cease to be once he steps out of the room, is how you know he is your home and you are his. But that feeling has to evolve for the good of the relationship; you will (and should) both see each other less as the marriage gets into its stride. Because you will change and need your own space to become a different version of you – as will he. Your life is still yours and, however much in love and together, you’ll still be forging a life for yourself. So don’t forget about you. The best sort of husbands will be behind you all the way, cheering you on.
Anniversaries are important and should be celebrated. I believe in cards. Or if not cards, then gestures. Marriage should be gesture-filled. Inexpensive or over-blown, it’s the fact you’ve thought about the other person that counts. A happy marriage requires more maintenance and upkeep, time and commitment, than anything else in your life. It’s not ‘work’ as such, but it does need working on – and remembering to spoil your partner is one surefire way to keep celebrating them.
On getting angry
A lot has been made recently of women, in particular, feeling ill at ease with venting and getting angry. It’s as natural a human emotion as love and laughter, and we need to give it full voice. Because ladies, he will make you angry, and passive-aggression will only exhaust you and confuse him. I think it only right to play the way you feel and get angry. Communicating anger constructively is another way of sharing how you’re feeling and this allows you to move on. If you can (eventually) see the funny side of both of your anger, this makes for a lot of giggles together, too.
Honesty is always the best policy, right? In some situations, perhaps not. Over the years with your partner, you’ll learn about what makes them tick, what winds them up, and what insecurities they have. There is no harm in telling a few white lies to make your partner feel better about themselves, or more comfortable in any given situation (for example, does my bum look big in this? – always a no!). However, when it comes to the big stuff, honesty is absolutely key. Be mindful of how you say whatever is on your mind, but make sure you speak it regardless. Bottling things up is the most unhealthy part of any relationship, on both sides. Never letting the sun go down on an argument is also the best advice we can give, and always say I love you before you part ways for the day, or before bed.